Sunday, October 9, 2011

And this is to be expected...

I've been living in a town I do not have any claims to for over a year now.
I haven't made any new friends in which I can explain my latest embarrassing moment to over steaming coffee.

And this is to be expected...?

I have settled for a job that is less than what I have expected for myself. 
Feeling as though four years destined for a career that I find I no longer have a serious connection to.
I have worked so hard.
I have placed so much emphasis on success. 

Sometimes I feel like a stranger.
What I thought was welcoming in not knowing a single face has become just the opposite. 

And this is to be expected...?

I toil my time with books that smell of large rooms that house other books that lay on top of one another for too many years. 
I sew and craft and blog. 

And I am signing my name to a school, and asking those that know my academic merit to write me letters of my being of strong intellect and determination. And I am stuck on an essay I have not written yet. But this puts me to some use. This makes me feel of more value. Somehow. 

And this is to be expected...?

And each day I come home from watching wild children run across wood chips to jump and hang from instruments painted in bright colors. Who sharpen sticks. Who play knock out and wall ball. Who laugh at silly jokes. Who sometimes do not get the concept of rounding and who scribble u's that always end up looking like a's. Who run to me and hug me before they leave. Who make me pictures of creatures and familiar TV characters. Who make me smile because they can be very sweet.

And this is to be expected...?

I come home to see a smiling and very handsome face and a welcoming embrace. A "how was your day?" Followed by a tickle fight. A lick from the dog. And a purr from the cat.  

And this the reason I came to a place where faces were unrecognizable. A place to call home because of one other person. And to hope that all things that I value will come to me in due time. Because I have worked hard. And I am a good person. I deserve happiness beyond the happiness of love. 

I tell him my embarrassing moments over a steaming cup of coffee.

And this is to certainly be expected. 



  1. This is really beautiful. I love your writing. I am sorry that it's not quite feeling like home yet, I hope that that comes really soon. But I'm glad you have a place to really call home every night. :)

  2. i love this, you write so beautifully lo! i totally know how you feel about the place you live, the job you have. i am right there with you. we both deserve to be happy and to have what we want and with time we will. i put way too much emphasis on success and i am just realizing that it is the journey that is way more important then success. to be able to look back and see where i came from and how i got there is much more of a success then reaching the finish line. lots of hugs my sweet!

  3. This is so wonderful. You're writing is great. I'm sorry where you're at is isn't feeling quite right, I hope things get better. Hang in there until they do.


  4. you are a great writer lo. and i know how you feel! moving away and only knowing one person, it's really hard sometimes!
    i hope things get more homelike soon!


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